Oh, the unbelievable shit I somehow get myself into...

So, the internet world missed me, huh? Well, I missed you, too, dammit… but I’ve had a hell of a fucking month. Quite possibly the worst I’ve ever had. We’ll start where we left off…

I fucked a Japanese guy! It was mostly fun. For part of the scene, right before the sex, they had me put on what they claim was a Japanese girls’ physical education uniform (Google searches for this outfit produced no results). This thing was atrocious. It was 100% polyester, had a tight collar, and weird diaper shaped shorts. AND above the knee socks. I was dying of heat… me, the girl from AZ who hates the cold… I had to break 4 times to just sit in front of the fan for a bit before starting again because they wouldn’t let me take it off til the very end. I put on a smile but I was not a happy sexer. The worst part was, there was some miscommunication between everyone and I was supposed to get same day cash… but didn’t. It was sent to my agent’s office over a week later. This wouldn’t have been a big deal if I hadn’t trusted my agent and counted on getting that money that day. The shoot was in Irvine and I didn’t bring much money with me. I BARELY made it home without getting gas. It was kind of terrifying, to be honest. I did learn some sexy Japanese phrases… but forgot them already. Ha!

The Japanese gave me tighty whities and a lollipop:


E3 started the next day. Never trust an acquaintance who claims they can get you in. You’ll only get your hopes up and then be crushed. I watched a lot of the live footage, though. Those games are freakin sweet! The cinematic trailer for Star Wars was phenomenal! I’m not even into Star Wars games but mayyybe that one… The new 3DS is pretty cool. I like that the colors aren’t retarded like the DSiXL. I still probably won’t get one, though. I just got my pink DSi not too long ago. I think I’m going to wait on the Kinect, too. The games they have for it so far aren’t very appealing to me. SO glad it’s not called Natal anymore...that was a dumb name. Anyway, tons of awesome new games and the like…maybe I’ll get to go next year.

I actually had a chance to be a booth babe at E3 but had to turn it down because they needed someone for every day and I had a shoot already scheduled on Wednesday….which I ended up cancelling because on Tuesday my body thought it a good idea to get strep throat. Awesome. And because of this, I also got the privilege of not going to this:


Which I’m sure would’ve been AMAZING. However, I am kind of glad I didn’t venture into downtown Thursday night. Stupid Lakers rioters setting cars on fire near my home. I thought this news tagline was hilarious, especially considering their faces:


Back to work on Monday! I shot a scene with Denis Marti for Naughty America’s Naughty Rich Girls site. I got to play a bitchy rich girl. That was a great scene, a lot of fun! Worst location ever, though! Ok, it’s actually not that bad but my agent failed to give me the directions that the producer provided them with and didn’t tell me not to use my navigation. It’s one of those houses way, way up in the hills that most navigation systems know nothing about. So, I’m driving along this tiny, curvy road and I get to a turn that doesn’t actually exist. I try one way that could turn into the way I need…it’s a hill and about half way up I realize this isn’t going to work. So I stop, just brake, not park, and call my agent. No service. Of course. I take my foot off the brake, move to the gas pedal so I can drive up the hill in hopes of getting service. As soon as my foot leaves the brake, my car starts rolling back…and fast! Well, at least that’s what it felt like. I slam on my brakes and notice that while I was fiddling with my phone, my car just decided to turn itself off. Just the engine… the a/c and stereo stayed on. I have no idea what caused it (doesn’t really matter now, that story will come later) but it scared the shit out of me! I thought I was going to roll off a cliff! I finally get a hold of my agent, get the directions I should’ve had in the first place, drive all the way back down to the freeway (like 15 mins), go up a few streets, then drive back up a similar, long road.…oh this is just boring to type now… Basically, lots of driving on curvy, one lane cliff roads, and extremely rocky terrain is not a fun way to start a fuck. It was a really good fuck, though.

The location had all these amazing fetish paintings hung up. I’ve never seen anything like it. They were really hard to stop looking at. I snapped a pic of one:

The owner said the artist’s name was Allen or Allan or Alan Douglas and that the site is artisnotdead.com but that site doesn't work. If anyone can find out how to get some of his work (or buy some for me) it would be so very much appreciated. :)

Wednesday was delightful! I love working for KissMeGirl! They shoot like Girlfriends Films does…they only use girls that actually like girls and they let us have sex like we would if there were no cameras…with a little guidelines, of course. I did the scene with Avy Scott who was a fantastic kisser and just fun all around. The site is focused mostly on a particular style of kissing and to show us exactly what he was looking for, he had Avy and I watch a clip of Andy San Dimas and Bobbi Starr. I think every director should do this…just a minute of watching those girls made me SO horny I made him turn it off so I could get at Avy already. I fucking love girls. I fucking love fucking girls. The scene is up already, so check it out!

Thursday I shot a scene for a site that isn’t up yet. I love the premise of it, though. It’s so voyeuristic. I don’t want to give too much away since it’s not up, but it makes it seem like you’ve hacked into some girl’s webcam on her computer and can just see her in her room doing things she’d normally do, like masturbate and bring a guy home from a club. Haha! We shot the scene at the house of one of the people that works at my agency, V, someone I talk to almost every day, so that was already pretty funny to me. But we get there and the director can’t get her front door open. He decides to go around back and I follow him, then stop at the gate because I hear dogs…big dogs. He goes in the yard to where I can’t see him anymore and I just hear things…dogs barking, him talking, stuff rustling. I think I’m exaggerating this but I really felt like I was in the movie The Sandlot and it was cracking me up! So, he pops back over to where I can see him and tells me to come back...

By now I’ve seen that the dogs are actually pretty chill black labs and I walk back. Director guy and V have decided that I will climb in through the bathroom window above her shower to unlock the front door from the inside. Um…ok, sure, I guess. I climb through the window, get soapscum all over my black clothes, and go to unlock the front door. It’s stuck. Like, really stuck. Ok, well I’ll just open the back door, let the director in and he can try to figure out the front door. The back door was wide open. Really?! He didn’t check that shit before requesting that I climb through a window? Sheesh, the things I do for porn.

Oh we’re to Friday already… oh my god, Friday…

I feel I should give a little backstory first. Crazy neighbor guy had gotten progressively worse over the past few weeks. Our building tried to call his son to tell him that his dad is losing it and hadn’t left his apartment in two weeks. Son didn’t give a shit. So, they called the police in to do a welfare check on him. Well, they weren’t allowed to go into his apartment if he didn’t open the door for them. Crazy neighbor guy NEVER opens his door, for anyone. He just shouts and throws things at his door. Since that didn’t work, the building had no choice but to evict him and they posted a note on his door. (He wasn’t paying his rent either but we later found out it was because his son was cashing his veteran’s checks and not sending his dad the money. I hate his son. Such a dick.) The next day, the envelope and his door were covered in olive oil. The envelope like he had used the oil to read what it said without actually opening it and the door like he tossed the bottle at the door til the bottle was empty, then rubbed his hands all over it. I tried to take a picture of the door but it didn’t turn out. I did get a picture of his doorstep, though:


Just weird, right? So, Friday morning at about 5am, I am awakened by extremely loud Spanish music coming from neighbor guy. I call security, he pounds on the door, neighbor screams back but turns the music off. I go back to sleep and wake up at about noon. When I wake back up, I can hear his TV on full blast on a Spanish channel. See, this guy is a big white German and I’m 98% sure he doesn’t know a lick of Spanish. All this is annoying, but bearable. Until he opens his window and puts on….you know those southern black preachers? It was exactly that but in Spanish. And way louder than anything he was playing before. I’ve had enough at this point because I can’t even hear my own TV when it’s as loud as it’ll go. I called the cops at about 2pm and they got there shortly after. Typical routine ensues (cops knock, neighbor shouts, turns down noise but doesn’t open up) and the cops say they can’t do anything now but if he continues with the noise to call them again and if the building manager ok’s it, they can break in. About 3 hours later, he starts blaring pop music. The most random shit, too, like The Bangles and Britney Spears. This guys is in his mid 70s, shouldn't he be listening to Buddy Holly or something? I try to endure, ignore, and give this guy the benefit of the doubt but at about 8pm, I can’t take it anymore and call the cops again. So this time, they have every intention of barging in this guy’s apartment if he doesn’t open his door. I’m convinced that this guy probably has some sort of weapon in his possession and I was not about to be in my apartment when they tried to pull him out. As soon as the cops arrived, I went downstairs to watch it all go down on the security cameras…like this:

Of course he didn’t answer his door. And screamed. And threw things at his door. Eventually, there were about 10 uniforms, a sergeant, and a detective upstairs. There were 8 cop cars, an ambulance, and a fire truck outside the building. Just for this one guy. About 45 minutes pass by the time someone got there with that door ramming rod thing. They start ramming the door but it’s not working. Six different people tried and 15 minutes passed before they got the door down. And it was pitch black in there. So, I’m watching and it looks like they’re about to bring him downstairs and out…I did not want him to see me in case he tried to come back and kill whoever called the cops on him. Stupid logic, but I was flustered from the whole situation. Anyway, since they were going to take him down in the elevator I figured I could go up the stairs and miss them. I live on the second floor so the instant I opened the stairway door I was attacked with what I assume is what death smells like. Literally. I’m pretty sure I now know what a dead body smells like. I make it up the stairs and they’re still all up there talking about it and getting some information from the manager then, asked me a few questions. Neighbor guy was still on the floor and just kept shouting his social security number, nothing else. He wouldn’t answer any questions, just kept repeating that number. It was freaky. So, in talking to the cops and hearing things, I found out he had his door barricaded with most of his furniture and 3 extra deadbolt locks (which is why it took them so long to get the door open) and that they had pulled him off his bed where he was surrounded by rotting food and dead maggots. DEAD ones. That means that they had to go through their entire life cycle in this guy’s apartment. Disgusting! Oh, the smell. I will never forget that smell it was so bad. Anyway, the second they get him in the elevator, I bolt into my apartment because I couldn’t stand the smell anymore. I check on my dogs that I left in the bathroom for safety, poor things were freaked out from all the sounds. I grab something to drink, turn on the TV, and look out my window to check out all the cop cars. I notice there are two more fire trucks arriving…huh? See, I’m actually friends with my building manager and that’s kind of why I live here in the first place. So, I text him to see what’s up with the fire trucks and he tells me that the elevator is stuck….the one with neighbor guy in it. I guess they weren’t stuck for long but I felt SO bad for those cops stuck in the elevator with him. I can’t even imagine the rambling but he had to have smelled absolutely horrible. So, that’s the end of neighbor guy, finally. The cops said that he’ll be taken to a hospital and will most likely be admitted to an institution. I’m glad he’s going to get the help he so clearly needs and I finally get some restful sleep.

This is his door sealed off:


Today they replaced it, but check out the door frame dent:


And then I saw the actual door outside when I took out the trash:


Saturday I shot at that crazy location again but I knew how to get there this time so it wasn’t so bad. The shoot was for Twistys. The scene was great! Kristina Rose was there shooting her scene before mine and we did this little dream sequence like bit where we were nurses trying to teach you how to do CPR but it just turned into boob grabbing and making out. She’s a good kisser; I’d love to give her a real go. I saw some of the pictures and they look amazing. I look kind of Russian. Haha! I’m not too fond of my pretty girls, though. They had me in this huge nurse’s outfit that wasn’t very flattering and I just look tired. I think the sex turned out fantastic, though! He was this real tall guy, Carlo Carrera, and he basically just threw me around like a doll. I love that. We did a 69 while standing up which was so fun to do but I couldn’t do it for long cuz I was upside down and all my blood was already heading to my vagina anyway. I think I almost passed out. ;) Can’t wait to see that one!

Sigh… then that fateful Sunday night… I was just going to Target, made it about 2 blocks from home, then BAM, I got T-boned. I was making a left turn, they had a stop sign, so I went… but they did, too…
My car:

Their car:

No one was hurt. I was a little sore the next day and have some weird bruises on my leg from my seat but nothing serious at all. But then, earlier today, I found out that they didn’t have a stop sign. Which means it’s my fault. Could’ve sworn I saw one there. I need to walk over and check it out just to be sure they’re not yanking my chain. I wasn’t even high! Or on my phone! :(

Monday was a fun scene that really took my mind off things, which I was so very thankful for. I finally got the honor of working with…omg…Keni Styles. That accent…it kills me. I’ll suck his cock so long as he keeps talking to me. Haha! When I got my info for the shoot, it was a little confusing because there were 3 other girls in the scene doing a BJ. Turns out, we went to a club and it was “my 21st birthday and my girls got me a stripper!” I had to act like a WOO girl from How I Met Your Mother for a half hour. You see, I don’t do group sex scenes because that many people just confuses me and I’m not really a take charge kind of gal. So, yeah, the first 15 minutes was a little confusing to me and I just went with it. With so many people around it’s kind of hard to pay attention to what everyone is doing. But one of the other girls wasn’t into it at all and you could tell. I wonder if it’ll show in the scene, but I could tell. I think she was the same one that wouldn’t suck his dick after it was in my pussy. Really?! You got a problem with vagina? It’s not like it was in my ass, bitch. Don’t do ecstasy the day before a shoot (then tell everyone on set about it) and maybe you’ll be more of a team player. On the other side of that, let me tell you about the girl that put that scene over the top for me. Her name is Courtney Page and I now have a massive crush on her. They told us beforehand that we didn’t have to do anything with the other girls if we didn’t want to because we weren’t getting paid extra for it. I assumed, just by looking at these girls, that they wouldn’t be interested in making out with one another. I was dead wrong about Courtney. By the end of the scene, I was on top of her making out (gosh, she’s a good kisser!) while Keni was bonin’ me. We all know me, I love the dick, but give me some tits to suck on and I am the happiest lady around. Now you must follow her on Twitter. Please? For me? I wanna fuck her for realsies…

After the scene, Keni and I went to AIM and In N Out. It was his first In N Out and he was so nonchalant about it and had no idea what the big deal was. It was adorable. He said he loved the burger. Yay America.

(Check out Keni's blog for some pics from set... I didn't want to steal them from him.)

Tuesday morning, I woke my ass up at 2am and cabbed it to the AT&T store at about 4am. I was the 10th person in line and the store opened at 7am. I just watched Doctor Who the whole time. :D And then, hallelujah, I got a new iPhone! I had the 2nd generation 8 gb one…I couldn’t even do video and it ran like a slow PC. Needless to say, I love my new iPhone. My only complaint so far is that the front camera is way shittier than the back camera, or even the previous iPhone cameras. It’s so grainy, see:


On Wednesday I did a scene with a lovely man named Michael Maverick. His site isn’t up yet so I walked in there having no idea what he looked like. He’s very handsome and I was very pleased. The scene was that I was interviewing for his personal assistant and he runs a massage parlor. So I got a massage! I love massages before sex! It definitely loosens you up and clears your mind. And the pictures turned out AMAZING! I stole some shots with my phone from their laptop to share just how good of a photographer this guy was. There are two aspects to a perfect model: knowing your own poses that look great and taking direction well. Oh, well, and expressions, too, but whatever. I suck at everything but taking direction and I do that like a fucking PRO. So this photographer was one of those guys that tells you EXACTLY, to a fucking T, how to pose. I LOVE that. I can’t see what angles a photographer is shooting at or what they’ve zoomed in on or not so sometimes the pictures don’t turn out so hot. These turned out…just…omg look for yourself:







Now for the downer… that night, I started to feel really sick again and Thursday morning, I went to the doctor to have him tell me that my strep is back. :( So, hey, guess what? I’m sick… fucking AGAIN. And it hurts. I got a stronger dosage of antibiotics and I should be better in a few days. With being sick twice and not very far apart I’m really starting to think it’s time to nut up and stop smoking weed on such a regular basis…save it for awesome new episodes of TV that I love like Doctor Who and Futurama. Or when It’s Always Sunny starts back up. I smoke that shit every single day and I think it’s taken it’s toll on my immune system. I get sick almost every month and that is not acceptable. If I do this, note that I will be EXTREMELY cranky and cynical. That’s why I smoke it in the first place, keeps me from being insane. Quitting cigarettes was so easy but weed is almost impossible for me. I did it once before for 7 months when I got caught with it in AZ. So, I know I can do it, I just don’t have any outside force driving me this time and it’s going to be much more difficult. Maybe I’ll stop playing the Sims so much…I became so shamefully addicted to that game while I was sick with the first bout of strep to the point where I was playing instead of Twittering or blogging. So, my apologies everyone, I’m sorry I’ve been so reclusive these past few weeks but hopefully now you can understand why. And I really appreciate all the “Where’s April gone?”s, they make me feel loved and I love you guys right back. <3

I say “so” way too often. ;)

DOCTOR WHO SEASON FINALE SPOILER! DON’T READ IT UNLESS YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW! OR HAVE ALREADY SEEN IT…

OH! I have to say my two cents about the Doctor Who finale. Ohmyfuckinggod the Pandorica was for the Doctor?! WHAT?!?! Didn’t see that one coming! Bravo Moffatt! Brilliant, brilliant finale! So much going on, old friends, old enemies, saving the whole of time and space, I LOVE DOCTOR WHO! Now, I love, love, love Matt Smith! I think he’s doing a perfect job as the Doctor and I hope he lasts a very long time in the series…but…I really wish that episode was written for David Tennant. I feel like an episode like that with such an abundance of Doctor Who history in it would’ve come off better from someone who had played the part for longer than a season. Ok, not come off better, but I would’ve been just a little more emotionally involved about it, I guess. I do think that Smith did a stunning job of portraying such an old soul. I loved watching him talk to Amelia about the Tardis, you can really see the pain of losing such an old love in him. My biggest, and really only, complaint is that Amy and Rory didn’t stay behind. I thought it was such a wonderful full circle fairy tale story of theirs that it was time to say “happily ever after” and bid them adieu. Now how are they going to cut them out when the time comes? They’ve already killed both of them, Rory twice! Kind of… But really? How the fuck is that gonna go down? Totally off topic: They should make the Christmas special 2 hours. By the way, if you’ve watched all of this season (and especially if you’ve seen Torchwood: Children of Earth) you have to go back to season 4 and watch the Fires of Pompeii. It’s hilarious to see Amy Pond covered in makeup, chanting, and prophesizing. (And you’ll recognize the Torchwood guy…) It be cool if they could tie that into an episode…like Amy and the Doctor had to go back and she had to pretend to be one of the sisters. Probably wouldn’t work but I wish they could. Doctor Who does that all time with it’s characters. And you know that lady LaGuerta from Dexter? She plays a maid in an episode in the second season. Hilarious.

Have a safe and happy 4th of July everyone!